hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
