Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
