remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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