i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
