i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
