If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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