Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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