ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
