i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
