This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
