The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
