At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Alive.
So much puke
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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