Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Randomize
