I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
