I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize