My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
