A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Do you have feelings for this penis?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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