return my video game
if you like me you must not know who I am
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
