Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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