When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
