i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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