The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
