I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I got inside last night via doggy door
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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