i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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