How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
