I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize