it hurts more in the daytime
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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