You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
After tacos, we're chasing women.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
