have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
