Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize