I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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