That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
