Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize