When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
