I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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