Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize