I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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