Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
