You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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