I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
