I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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