the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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