Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
