The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
