I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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