I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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