Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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