drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
