Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
