I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
