making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
