the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
