you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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