Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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