Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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