I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
