Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
