You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize