You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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