i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
