I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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