Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You need a sexual gate keeper
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
