SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
