She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
