And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
