Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just tell him i said nine months
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
