I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
