Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think your dad took our porno
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
